Ground Hog Day

Okay so i ain't up-dated in awhile... it's called sheer laziness and the fact that when it come down to actually writing something i can never be bothered... OK that's the same thing as laziness, but who cares. Nearly everyday i feel like i have to climb over a hurdle, the same hurdle i climbed the day before. Its as though when i go to sleep someone picks me up by the feet, twirls me around like a shot-put and flings me back to were i was. And where is that... well.. it's the same dull blackness, that i now face everyday. I don't mean this to sound sinister... just .. well .. i dunno. I suppose I'm losing enthusiasm, for work, for uni for life ... i just want to stay in my comfort zone and not move... and yes i know that's boring, but there's nothing to inspire me, nothing to make me think 'wow'. And everyday is the same, like 'ground-hog' day. Even reading the new Harry Potter was just another day... sigh...

I think part of its got to do with the fact that nothing simulates my mind any more, i may even be losing brain cells just by not using them, as my neuro lecturer use to say, "Use them or lose them." So, my new dilemma is to think of something which will inspire me and make me act so that i can prevent any further brain cells from dying and crossing into the abyss. Any ideas would be great!

That Chocolate High

I feel stuffed and utterly fat after scoffing 400g of Cadbury Fruit & Nut within the past hour, but also happily satisfied and content with my brain buzzing! I keep telling myself that I'll get up and do some form of exercise to burn it all off... but I'm still on that chocolate high.

Two months and a bit now till i start med school and all the headachy stuff like loans and accommodation applications forms are all kinda sorted, although i did have problems getting a student account with Halifax. I've never been in debt with banks or overdrawn... i like my statements to be printed in black ink, and yet i get refused a student account due to credit rating... HELLO, i want a current account not a silly credit card, besides I am a student... what do they expect lol!

I'm getting to that state where work is becoming frighteningly comfortable. I suppose I'm getting into a routine and ... well, accepting work as apart of life, just as iv accepted the two grey hairs i found on my head the other day. But the fact that i found another one today, probably shows i haven't truly comes to terms with it, since the stress and horror of finding the first few probably caused the latest culprit.

A Necessary Evil

WORK: I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. .

... But it’s paying for med school fees! Although I constantly dream about walking into the job centre and applying for another job, thinking that my honors degree and previous qualifications will get me out of this hell hole. But I only have to stick it out for another 3 months and i suppose the pay could be worst, so...

... my two days off come to an end! Back to the bitching and work politics! Only good thing is that now I'm allowed to drive the big mini bus owned by the company, which two days ago i crashed into a fence whilst reversing! It kinda broke, but no scratches on the bus so no one needs to know my little secret!

Campus Allocations

For the past few days I've eagerly been waiting for my campus allocation letter from my med school. As the med school is split between two campuses, it randomly allocates us one 'base' campus, although technically we're part of both. Well I'm getting impatient, i wanna know already! Other people have already received their letters, but I'm gonna have to wait a tad bit longer...ahh why didn't i just ring yesterday... uhh, probably cause i was too lazy to do so....

Once I've discovered which campus I've been allocated i can begin to sort out the accommodation, how exciting huh! Well it'd mean I'm that one step closer to moving out of this house! Strange thing is, although it was antagonizingly annoying living with mum & dad, I've kinda become comfortable here and i seriously think I'd miss them, well i suppose I'd be back for Xmas and other holidays.

Anatomy TV

Came across this great website the other day: http://tv-links.co.uk, allowing you to watch all the episodes of shows like ER, Grey's Anatomy, Smallville, 24 etc as well as all the cool movies like Spiderman 3 without downloading anything. How it by-passes the copyright infringements beats me, but some how it does! So now instead of revising my human anatomy, I'm happily wasting my free time watching TV. Thought id share this with you so, if you wish, you too can join the ban-wagon!

Talking of anatomy, why did the sick twisted geeks have to label everything in so many funny names. You need a whole dictionary just to understand everything or just learn it all blindly lol. Thank god for Ackland DVD Anatomy thingy, its fantastic, just like watching TV, will i suppose it is exactly that, cool huh!

Whose Who Of Who

I'm back, yip, although in my absence from the on-line world nothing much has really happened expect that now its only 3 months and a bit till i start med school and return to sanity!!

I gave up on the whole gym thingy, it proved too expensive for my taste although i still believe that no one should have a premature death due to excess laziness. Hence, i've invested in a few pieces of Tesco Value fitness equipment, I'm still a good boy see! Although with nothing challenging to stimulate my mind besides understanding the work gossip, whose sleeping with who, whose having whose baby, whose the father, not to mention who said what about me behind my back and remembering to be extra spiteful to them next time i meet them. I honestly believe work is a real bad influence! For example, i now watch Eastenders, Corrie and worse Emmerdale!! And I'm acting like everyone else at work, talking about them as though they're actually 'REALLY' happening, and not just some crap an TV! My usually calm tone has slowly turned into a harsh bark and my patience has dwindled into nothingness! The only thing which hasn't changed is the amount of chocolate i eat, but i never expected that to change much anyway!

I'm turning into a monster, I just hope i return to my usual self once i start university again, otherwise I'll be scaring away my first patient even before i meet them, just through my reputation!

Crippled

I'd like to say that Barbara broke or Cindy wouldn't work and hence the reason why i haven't blogged lately, but i ain't named my PC yet and the way its going i probably won't get a chance, before it dies and goes to PC heaven, although it deserves to go to PC hell for being such a bitch lately! Hijacked my bro PC for the mo, although i hate using it since his room is such a mess, i practically feel dirty breathing the air in it. Therefore I'm gonna keep this nice and short...
just pray my PC comes back to life very soon, i feel as though iv lost a limb, crippled with no walking stick and no chance of making it back to the care home without my hip giving out... if only i had a zimmer-frame, at least i think thats what you call them.

Extortion

Well i finally joined the gym, my induction is tomorrow. I'm paying a bleeding £20 for it, god, talk about major rip off. And then a months membership is £35!! Although I'm no longer a student... hello.. I'm still poor!!! Also getting my hair cut tomorrow. Tried ringing yesterday, but it appeared to be closed. So when i rang up today i asked her why they where shut on a Monday. She said because it was bank holiday.... I'm pretty sure bank holiday is on the 7th right?? Anyway, lets hope she cuts my hair right. One of these days I'm gonna have to go to a 'barbers', and not my usual girly-whirly, 'would you like a massage with that sir?', places, but sometimes change is not good.

Junk Food & Six Packs

I find that when i have nothing better to do i tend to eat. Whats really aggravating is opening the fridge door to find that there's literally nothing that is edible or within it best-before date. Of course if I've got nothing better to do, you'd think id go shopping, but no, i don't think this way. Also, after leaving uni, I've really stopped cooking... well i never really started cooking when i was at uni, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that I'm eating more junk food than ever before, and NO, chocolate or ice-cream is not classed as junk, and who ever says otherwise is Blasphemous!

So, to stop my 147 pounds and size 30 waist turning rapidly into 170 and 38, I've 'decided' to join the local gym. Aren't i good!? Well i will be when i actually join. Currently I'm envisioning wash-board abs with my pectoralis major muscles clearly defined and biceps/triceps well toned. Oh and don't forget the butt and legs. OK, yes all the above will never happen, but I've got to aim high! I've also 'decided' to go swimming as well. Maybe 'go' is the wrong word, i think 'learn' is better. My last swimming experience left me nearly dead, with two lungs full of chlorine tasting water... even though i could stand up on my toes in the deep end. I'm also going to invest in some goggles, not the ones you have to spit in, the other type. That way may contact lenses won't slip out of my eyes and render me blind, clever huh! When it happens I'll post a picture of my six-pack... umm don't expect it anytime this decade... but it will happen... .

Sinister Grannies

Life at home is still kinda dull... well i suppose i can't expect it to be all glitter like Justin T's or umm... (god i can't think of another male celebrity!) ... Paris Hilton.

Had a picnic and got lost in the maze for half an hour at the local park. Embarrassing when you realise it’s suppose to be for kids and even worst when you get caught cheating, climbing over the 2 metre fence covered in nettles! So itching all over, I finally decided to play in the sand pit with my baby nephew. I promptly decided it’d be fun to bury him in the sand, shoulder deep, didn’t want the poor guy to suffocate. Finishing my proudly made hole in the ground, I turned round to ask him if he was ready to get buried, but he was no-where to be found…! Instead, I came face-to-face with a 6 year old girl with an excited look in her eyes and who promptly spun round and said, “Grandma can I get buried?”, and then indicated to me. I swear, if looks could kill, my ashes would have been picked up by the wind and scattered around the park there and then. Didn’t realise old grannies could be so sinister looking! With my hole in the ground left behind, I retreated back to the family with the continuing glare from the old granny eating a new hole in my back.

Having written this post, I’ve come to the realisation that, being resorted to writing about old grannies, your life cannot get more dreary… how pathetic!

Tangles Of Life

If I could sum up my life in a single picture it would have to be this one, a big fat tangle:

Like when your headphones are all tangled up. How do they get that way, when you leave them all nice and straight. It's as though they come to life whilst you're sleeping or away and decide to play 'hide-en-seek'. Except there's nowhere for them to hide since they're attached to each other. So they just end up getting into a mess and later cause a great deal of frustration when you find them!

And when you finally straighten yourself out, you wonder about the meaning of life, was it worth getting all those tangles straightened out??:

And sometimes... well you just got to search for it else where:

... and wish for the best...

And maybe, just maybe, things start happening. The jigsaw puzzle of your life starts falling into place, and you know gleefully that your pet dog called Snowy hasn't swallowed a piece! Finally you can see the whole picture, and you think to yourself that at last your dreams can actually come true:

But life isn't as simple as that. One too many sugar-rushes to the head start to make you curious. Questions about your kingdom full of chocolate and worst, your life:

... and then bad things start to happen. You start to resent those around you, especially all those annoying silly people with their fake smiles:

... thus, you come to the conclusion that if you were content with what you previously had before, your life wouldn't be in a big tangle once again, and you therefore wouldn't be forced to live with all the crazy people of the world... except there's no one left. Your only friends are the tablets you stumble upon, which help make you lucid, and your final thoughts are that at least you didn't succumb to Alzheimer's:

(Pictures produced by Edward Monkton)

... is there such a thing as destiny??... I'm still searching for my jigsaw pieces.

Discombobulated & Accidental Farts

Who the hell is Tom Jones & what the heck is a bell-end or a muff-diver for that matter?!? Yet again i was the 'innocent kid' at work, who apparently has no 'life experience'. I know for a fact that they were laughing at me and not with me, since i wasn't laughing at all. I was more discombobulated than anything else. Of course i don't take these things seriously... how can you when your work-colleagues look at you in shock and disbelief to then keel over with laughter and let out an accidental fart! However, one advantage is that my little bubble of thought is steadily expanding and one day it will burst and I'll no longer be as naive.

Med School Excitement

Iv decided to start on a positive note today. So no moaning or complaining today, well... maybe just one when it tickles my fancy. My excitement of going to med school is returning, just 5 months left! Waiting for an offer was agonisingly painful, but at the same time a miniature adrenaline rush. I'm sure most people have felt it before, waking up with anticipation, with the 'will it be today' question running through their minds. Then taking those careful steps downstairs and peering round the corner at the space directly below the letter box, or that one heart pounding 'click' on UCAS Track, eyes squeezed shut, afraid to face the possible reality of rejection.

Being my second attempt at the whole med school cycle, receiving an offer letter I thought it would be the best day of my life. Well... it wasn't. Days later I was still expecting a 'We are sorry, UCAS has experienced a computer glitch, your offer no longer remains valid' letter. Of course it never came ... but neither did the excitement part, the jumping up and down like a mad monkey tasting its first ripe banana. It was more a relief, the releasing of a 4 yr held-in breath, knowing I didn't have to spend another year at home, that my life could finally begin.

Whether I like it or not I'll soon be apart of that transparent group known as 'medics', the one people supposedly respect and other hate. I'll get to interact with real patients and make a fool of myself in front of them whilst seriously pretending they haven't noticed, when in fact their skin crawls at my mere touch, afraid I'll suture their other eye shut instead. Whats even more exciting is that I get the chance of doing that balancing trick you see in ER and Grey's Anatomy, with the stethoscope around your neck, whilst at the same time attempting to running at lightning speed to get to that last danish pastry in the cafeteria .

A Dollop Full Of Shite

Working on a Sunday isn't very exciting, actually its right down annoying. Whats even worst is when you start at 7:30am! The bleeding birds are awake outside at this time, but its only to take their morning shite on my 'day-before' cleaned car, you'd think they'd have something better to do this early in the morning?!

How would they like it if I did it in their nest... every day! Not a pleasant thought, especially since I'd fall and break my neck climbing the huge tree. The neighbours would find me with my pants around my ankles and no doubt full of shit intended for the nest. Suppose I should be grateful I have a car, clean or filthy...

My work is far from engaging. It usually involves watching lots of Jeremy Kyle and filling out a few medical forms whilst secretly reading 'Full House' or 'Best' bought from the local Tesco's. Don't you just love the problem pages and all those true stories, makes you own life feel practically normal or at least adds a cheap frill to your day. A recent issue involved a woman finding her long lost family 'at the shops'! Imagine going round to your corner shop for bread and milk, to instead take home a whole extended family (plus 10 pints of milk and 5 loafs of bread), I mean, if one mouth wasn't enough to feed!

For all this hard work I get paid pittance, and yet I have an honours degree under my belt and every day I bring all my non-existent life experience to work for my fellow co-workers to benefit from. The world is an unjust place!

A Third Lung

Have you ever felt like screaming at the top of your lungs like a little girl with pig tails and freckles?? Well that's exactly what i feel like doing, although without the pigtails, freckles and a sex change. I can literally feel the hair on my head turning grey and my head spinning like a tumble dryer. I find it almost impossible to escape from this imprisonment within my own head.

So whats brought it all on? Well... the ice-cream shop was shut, so i couldn't have my favourite mint-choc-chip ice-cream for starters. Those of you who are caffeine addicts and who don't get their daily fix, will know exactly how i feel. Sugar, specifically in the shape of ice-cream on a cone is the bane of my existence. Chocolate is a close second and a suitable alternative. Also the fact that I'm stuck at home with the parents is really doing my nut in! After spending three years at university with all the freedom in the world, its no wonder I'm going crazy now! My only respite is that in another 5 months I'll soon be back at uni starting my second undergraduate degree in Medicine... a whole 5 years of practical 'me' time!!

OK, so i don't have it that bad, rent free and access to daddy's credit card. However, life still seems like a enclosed box to me with no breathing space. Hence, the start of this blog thingy, a third lung, making it easier to breath in this semi-glamorous prison of mine.